memory man naruto
by beelzebubthedemon
Summary: my first fic a stealthy,smart,no-chakra naruto born in the one piece world being a spy for hire that got vivi into baroque works and later joins the crew with robin, starts early and slow picking up but will be time skipped to present day quickly with flashbacks and he will open up and be cheerful around the crew after joining read my challenge for more info slow and random update
1. Chapter 1

memory man Naruto

"Speech"  
>'thoughts'<br>**_emphasised _**

Vivi Nefertari princess of Alabasta a desert kingdom in the grand line sat on her father's lap in the throne room of the royal palace located in the capital city Alubarna the hall filled with the guards, while he told her of the need to listen to the people and not put herself above them as they will be her family when she becomes queen. Vivi is a thirteen year old girl with blue hair done up into a ponytail and large almond coloured eyes, wearing a sleeveless white gown a little to longer for her as it seems to be tied up at the back yet still covers all her legs only showing her sandals. she nods happily as she looks at her father king Cobra and then goes back to practising listening to requests of the guards, as they make up problems for her to fix that will help her in the future. Cobra is a man of average height starting to show wrinkles although most seem to be from smiling he also has long curly black hair with a tied off beard, he wears a green yellow trimmed robe with a orange sash keeping it closed. After a while a strange problem was raised about their being too many birds "dirtying" the statues. Once the princess heard bird she turned and started looking straight at Pell with the eyes only someone not getting the intended meaning could pull off, the princess said in a stern child like voice " Pell when you finish doing whatever you was doing clean up afterwards, people have worked hard to make the statues you shouldn't be making them dirty" she nodded to herself proud of being able to be stern with her friend. The throne room fell silent Vivi looked around seeing red faces then her dad started shaking thinking she was wrong she was about to apologize but was stop when the throne room burst out into laughter while Pell replied in a strained voice " of course princess I will make sure to ... clean up after myself from now on" face twitching the whole time as the guards laughed harder hearing his reply, until he promised to train them into the ground until the birds no longer bothered them, the threat made clear with a glare reinforced with the eyes only a bird of prey has any right to have thanks to the devil fruit that made him a falcon-man.

The king was about ready to call it a day when in walked a man roughly 6'7 in height with fangs of blood red hair poking out of a bandanna between a pair of cold, dull and jaded sapphires 'it's like he has lived for far too long, a pair of eyes like that didn't belong on a such a young face' thought Cobra. The roughly twenty year old's face looked gentle, delicate like a blink or a twitch of the lips would shatter it thin eyebrows a straight and defined nose naturally narrow eyes thin lips a face only marred by three scares running parallel on each tanned cheek. He was shrouded from the neck down in a black suit red tie combo that stretched at the arms slightly with a downed hood stitched in to the back, thin waist and the colour making him look thinner than he was with a pair of knuckle plated fingerless gloves, very strange cloths for a person travelling the desert. Once the shock of a person just walking into the palace pass did the king remember that there were guards posted outside the door but no one heard the noise of a fight 'this man is strong or stealthy' thought Pell also noticing the lack of noise from the area he came from.

Once the man was in the centre of the room he bowed with a brief flicker of respect and warmth in his eyes at Cobra and Vivi respectively "what can i do for you stranger, a drink perhaps with clothes like yours you must have been parched out in the sun" said the king with false calm as he looked at the dangerous man in front of him the only reason he didn't order the guards to attack was the brief flicker he saw in those eyes. The man raised back up looking at the king with what could only be sympathy " i wouldn't waste a ** _limited _** resource so freely Cobra but i have something that could help with that recent problem " said the man sending the message he knew something about the draught that has come about since a year ago. the king frowns 'the way he worded it made it seem like this draught will not end soon', that is not a laughing matter to a person from the desert. sending a message to Pell to take Vivi outside to play, he turns back to the stranger with a serious face and asks a question he should of asked first " who are you stranger?" looking him dead in the eyes waiting for the answer that he won't remember knowing no matter how many times he is told it in the years to come. The red head smirks an inside joke playing in his head as emotion now comes onto his face enhancing the amusement in his once dull eyes as a fox like grin grows out of the smirk and replies "Naruto Uzumaki got it memorized?"


	2. Chapter 2

chapter 2

"speech"  
>'thoughts' <p>

Naruto keeps smiling still enjoying saying that to people even after all these years knowing it wouldn't matter if he did memorize it or not. Cobra blinks trying to think if the man was famous or infamous but coming up blank he stared at the man now known as Naruto thinking he was trying to make a name for himself and asks "should i know of you Naruto? and what is it that you have that could help me with this draught if it is indeed a problem". the tension more or less out of the way by this point Naruto replied "i hope you haven't heard of me it would make my job a lot harder to do and as such can we take this convocation and soon to be contract to a more privet place? feel free to bring your elite guards as i am quite literally a shady character after all" he joked trying to keep it light after seeing the guards tense he doubted it would work, after all he could be a assassin then again he has been in a 'past life' as he likes to call them. The king looked to his left to see Chaka one of two heads of the guard and tells him to go fetch Pell, Igaram stood to his right watching and trying to get a read on Naruto 'as soon as vivi left the room his personality changed to a care free guy, why?' thought Igaram as this was happening Naruto was memorising the faces of the guards that knew about him he needed to erase himself from their minds not hard but when would be a good chance he will just have to find them when he is leaving.

Once Pell returned and the king dismissed the guards only keeping Pell, Chaka and Ingram with him he says "now that there is less of a audience i hope you can continue to explain how you can help me with this draught". Naruto shifts back to business mode and tells the king "i am a spy and counter spy for hire and just so happen to come across a rather strange piece of information about a strange draught occurring in your kingdom, of course the first bit of information is always free of charge but a contract will be needed for my continued assistance on the matter." 'that explains how he got in without raising a fuss i suppose' the king thought to himself "and what is this information you have on this draught?" Cobra asked "what do you know of dance powder and the side effects it has on its surroundings Cobra?" Naruto asks not needing the answer when he sees the glint appear in the kings eyes. "who, where and how much" Cobra demanded but was given no answer "now now Cobra i believe i told you only the first bit was free, so choose which you want answered" Naruto states looking cobra in the eyes. Cobra thinks with the level-headed calm only someone with royal training could manage 'knowing how much is pointless without knowing where, who will cause problems without any proof, only where gives me something to work with'" where" grits out the king "Erumalu port a large shipment will arrive in three days where fake guards will say you ordered them to get it and send it to Alubarna making the towns people doubt you, what you do with this information is up to you but be careful if you show up it just looks like you are trying to cover it up." Says Naruto then continues "i will return in four days at this time in this room i will not appear however if we are not alone Cobra we have a contract to iron out after all. o and one more thing don't speak about me to anyone not in this room a spy needs his privacy after all."Naruto then leaves the room calmly not waiting for a answer searching for the people that saw him to help them "clear their heads" as it were.

"i don't trust him" Igaram said as soon as the doors closed behind Naruto "he changes his whole personality to easily its disturbing" he finished with a grim look on his face Pell nodding along with him he checked on the guards at the door and they said no one of his description passed them yet he calmly used the door to enter. Chaka was silent with his devil fruit powers of the jackal he has naturally stronger hearing and smelling even in his human form and nothing he could get said he was lying, 'then again he is a spy maybe he has a couple of tricks that stop the signs of lying' he thought to himself. "it matters not if we trust him yet, he has gave us a chance to see if he is good at what he does and i plan on using it. Pell watch the docks and ports at Erumalu from a far in three days he is right that if it does happen and i am there it will just seem more suspicious."Cobra ordered the man named Naruto may seem cold but he has the feeling that is really just a cautious shell for business purposes 'a spy probably has his back stabbed quite a lot' he concluded his thoughts. "there is nothing more we can do about the matter until we know if he is telling the truth about the dance powder, go about your duties" he dismissed them 'i feel like this is going to be a very long contract' he thought leaving the room.

time skip four days

Cobra was sitting in the throne room alone waiting for Naruto to show up it has been four days since their last meeting and what he said would happen did.

flashback yesterday

Pell came rushing in doing a hurried bow before reporting what he saw "it was true everything he said would happen did" he said grimly feeling guilty for not stopping it from happening, "but i managed to find a lead when the guards were running away they all had a strange tattoo of purple wings with a skull in the centre with two rapiers crossed behind the skull i think this there group insignia. Nodding Cobra said "thank you for the good work it seems we will be making that contract after all" Getting grim nodes from Igaram and Chaka.

flashback end

Naruto seems to of appeared during the kings trip down memory lane with that carefree look on his face that he wore the last time," seeing as you're on your own i guess we will be working out my contract ""correct" replied Cobra "then let me start i am a memory man and i will be blocking our encounters from your memory at the end of each session i will also leave a written report in your hands, at the start of our sessions i will release the memories blocked so we can get straight to business. I expect payment at the end of our contract were i will erase myself from your memories completely so i can keep to the shadows without being hunted or my identity ruined, i will be erasing myself from those three guards memories after this session no matter what. a note explaining the deal made with your signature at the bottom will be left in your hand stating meeting dates, objectives and payment at the end of this session, these are my rules i will erase myself from your memories right now if these are not meet" Naruto says getting straight to business with the cold look he had the first time they meet. That shocked and answered some questions the king had like why his guards before couldn't remember the man passing the door. "That is acceptable" Cobra agrees knowing he had no real say about the first couple of demands "I want you to find out all you can about a group with a insignia of purple wings with a skull in the centre with two rapiers crossing behind the skull i want to know what they are and what they are doing." Naruto nods storing the information about the sign for later and says "i will return in one month with a report, payment will depend on the information i have gathered see you then cobra " handing him a piece of paper telling him to write down where to be in a month and to sign it then holding out a hand for the king to shake when he finished. during the hand shake Naruto takes a look at the memories of one Cobra Nefertari to see if he is a man worth helping, appearance can be deceiving after all once seeing he is indeed a man worth helping he deletes himself from his memories then pinches a nerve on his neck making him rest in his throne to wake up or be found. Letting go of the hand shake feeling the memorise of the man before him fade from even his perfect memory never to be seen without touching and conscious thought, leaving nothing more than a feeling this man is trust worthy and he can let his guard down a bit copying memorise while handy was pointless to use on him as he will just move on after this anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

chapter 3

"speech"/"** yelling **"  
>'thoughts'<br>_actions_

Naruto hands over the latest report to Cobra it has been two and a half years since the contract was made, Naruto easily found out about baroque works, a group of bounty hunters working towards making a utopia. It seems the group has members numbering in the thousands with only the top 10 pairs working together have any real skill mostly consisting of bounty hunters or anyone with a high bounty looking to get paid. The king paid and changed the contract to infiltrating the group, the reports became fewer and random as he worked his way through the ranks sending a letter saying when the next meeting would take place only the royal seal on it making him come to the meeting alone contract be damned he wasn't going to come to a secluded place for no reason even if he did sign it. He has sabotaged many plans that would affect Alabasta but the damage has piled up and talk of a revolution has started to pop up he needs to get proof from someone the country will accept and believe, he needs to send in his daughter to join the group this will also throw off and stop mr.0 from doing anything bad to her hopefully. He has been thinking about this ever since he was touched by that strange man of a more 'colourful' taste he has been getting more and more assassination attempts forcing him to stay in the palace more often, he was later informed by one of the written reports that he was touched by none other than Mr.2 Bon clay a member of baroque works with the ability to swap his appearance with anyone he has touched thanks to a devil fruit. Meaning if he were to die right now that man could rule the kingdom and he would not allow that to happen to Vivi. he needed to figure out a way to get her into the group he has already told her about his plan and she agreed to it leaving out it was mostly to keep her safe so with help from the guard training her to defend herself he planned on arriving early to one of the report drop off's so he can talk to the spy once more.

A man appears without a trace, strange the note i read that was in my hand writing said i would find a written report in the throne room strange i didn't jump at his appearance yet i didn't know he was going to appear, i feel this small nagging feeling that i should sigh at the way he enters i am about to ask him to identify himself but again a nagging feeling of annoyance at the idea stops me. He walks calmly up to me but my guard doesn't rise when i look at him i feel almost annoyed because he is walking so slowly to me like he knows its irritating me to no-end and he is doing it on purpose, my eye is twitching by the time he is arms length away from me and now i can see the lightest of smirks play across his mouth, i close my eyes to not shout at this man as i need to ask him a favour and i am already indebted to him for spying for me. i feel a gloved palm but free fingers being placed on my head and my eyes shoot open looking up at Naruto with an eye twitch wait... since when did i know his name, that's right he told me it and asked if 'i got it memorized' my eye twitches more and a tick mark starts to throb on my head again finally seeing why he found it funny the first time he said it and the forty plus times after that when i told him to name himself every time we met for a meeting. i sighed releasing all the pent up aggression i had not two seconds ago, we are practically friends at this point i smile at the man one he returned while he is now sitting in front of me on a orange and black deck chair 'when and where did he pull a deck chair from' twitching eye returning slowly thinking how out of place he looks in a throne room sitting on a deck chair a strained smile appears on my face "may i ask where you got that deck chair from Naruto last time it was a sofa, the time before that it was a high chair i thought you said you was a memory man not a **furniture salesmen**" i yelled the end at him while he smiles at me with such an aura of peace and wisdom around him like he was an elderly sage explaining the universe to me and replies to me " this is my sunbathing chair i always take it to the beach with me""ah i see i see ha ha ha of course how silly of me ... **and where the hell is the beach you idiot this is the throne room not to mention your still wearing your black suit so put the damn light reflector away we are** indoors"out of breath and slightly lighted headed from yelling at this annoying bastard as he removes his sunglasses and looks at me so innocently that i felt a blood vessel in my nose break from anger and says shyly like i am his fucking high school crush "sorry i forgot""**BULLSHIT**" i replied with the regal bearing of a chump being forced into to the role of a tsukkomi blood dripping down from my nose onto the floorhim looking at me with fake concern "you should relax more it's bad for your health to be so stressed out, here try this deck chair" he says happily pointing to another deck chair this one green that magically appeared next to him. 'how do you do that you bastard' i rage in my mind my body giving up and taking the seat "sometimes i miss the serious you" i sighed half heartedly him slapping my back a smile on his face "you know you love me" he replied relaxed handing me the report i take it reading it while relaxing and asks "anything new happen" his smile widens "I'm in love" he sighed out dreamily, too tired to over react thinking it was another joke i asked "who?" "Nico robin" he relies and i tense 'The "demon child" Nico robin, is she here for the location of pluton' i think in a blaze before i can ask for more information "relax" Naruto voice has gone cold again his 'business' side has come out "she is not after the location of pluton she simply wants to know the true history of the void century the one your kingdom and nineteen others joined together to destroy" i freeze, my blood ran cold 'he knows about it too, how? can he read memories'.

i look Cobra dead in the eyes and said "i am a memory man my friend anything you remember is a open book for me to look into and know about i don't care about pluton and neither does robin i told her what was on it according to your memories but you can't read it you was only told that was what was on it and she refuses to believe that though as this is the last poneglyph she has a lead on." Cobra looks me in the eye slightly calmer but still searching for any deceit, i deicide to tell him about the ability i used on him "memory viewing lets the user look into all the targets memories even blocked one by mental stress or amnesia i get to see everything in the blink of an eye through physical contact i don't even realise i do it sometimes as i don't actually get to see through your memorise without constant contact and focusing on a certain subject, however after contact is lost so are the memorise only leaving the impression of that person's life like nagging feeling you get when you see me, i use this method to find employers it's how i knew to trust and help you the same reason i am going to help robin with her life goal." i finished seeing him calm slightly whether to take in the new information or because he trusts my judgement i don't know."Crocodile or Mr.0 as he goes by in baroque works however wants pluton, whether to threaten the world government or to take over your kingdom if up for grabs though" now that got his attention on crocodile and away from my abilities don't want him realising i shouldn't of been able to remembered that he was told what was on the poneglyph if what i said was true. "Mr.0 is Crocodile, our hero, one of the shichibukai" Cobra finished breathlessly, shocked that the man that protects his kingdom is tearing it apart from the inside." yes, Now i got the 'impression' you had something urgent to ask about before i came here" i ask wanting to go back and annoy robin a bit to cheer myself up. Cobra suddenly sits up and looks me in the eye "i need you to get Vivi and Igaram into baroque works so she can 'gather evidence' but mainly to hide her in plain sight from Crocodile while Igaram protects her by her side and you protect her from the shadows." he says deadly serious, i blink once, twice "that's going to cost extra you know" and enjoy watching him claps into my deck chair with a huff.

After being paid for the contract done and working out the price for the new contract i was making my way through the city i am going to collect and integrate the princess and guard in about a week so she finishes training and gets updated on the situation minus myself of course. Pulling out six red megatama beads separated on a bright yellow string forming a necklace he puts it on to symbolise what number in the organisation he was in, Mr.6 suited him quite well with his six scares on his face adding to the theme. He strolls into a cafe looking for a miss mother's day wearing a white cow girl hat while a white coat on the chair as she calmly reads a book on the history of the country i borrowed from Cobra, i return and swap them out during each trip and he hasn't noticed so no harm no foul she almost finished this group so i got her a new shipment of six books on my way out, i place the books on the table to her side barely a smile is my prize on the matter her eyes didn't move from the book but she seems to be reading faster now 'must of been trying to drag that book out i am surprised she had the restraint to, seeing as it is about history' i thought slightly amused at her hidden child like eagerness i myself prefer mythology but that's neither here nor there. Nico robin was assigned as my partner when Crocodile had no need for her but she is still technically his partner, she is sent to me when he wants her to do more than just read a poneglyph he still doesn't have. 'she must of been bored out of her mind' the reason she is not higher up on the line of command is so the government don't spot and capture her on one of the more dangerous missions, i kept myself as number six so i don't get too much of Crocodiles attention. she is twenty seven birthday in about five months and has beautiful straight black hair pulled behind her ear s, as her narrow baby blue with wide pupils almost as if she had two eye colours in her eyes as they finally flicker off her book as she finishes it and i lock eyes with her. A soft smile i had no control over appeared on my face as i ask " good afternoon robin was it a pleasant read"" quite, although there was a strange picture of you shirtless inside ""my, that king must have some strange tastes and i don't remember being shirtless in front of him he must be spying on me" i say with the smile and aura i used on the king hoping to finally making her snap, not even a twitch. I vowed three weeks after she was partnered with me i would get a reaction even if it kills me, i nearly did once '_shiver'_ turns out she doesn't tolerate extremely perverted jokes teasing is fine though, a strange women she is but i can't help myself. she stares back with the same look and smile i used but with twice the skill, this is her game after all she doesn't react to anything and i pretend what i am doing is completely normal this is our way to annoy and tease people, she always wins but some day i will get a tsukkomi from her. "how fortunate for you Naruto you can become a royal concubine if this line of work becomes too much for you, i am sure Mr.2 will be absolutely jealous to hear the news." i fight down the shiver i get from that bastards name being mentioned his memory impression making my skin crawl and my ass tense, a flashback i had no control over of him calling me "cutie" and winking with his damn weird make up on made me lose the fight. With a shuddering breath i look at her amused eyes" fine you win just don't mention **him** again" i am not a homophobe but he left a fucked up impression even normal gay guys are fine but **him.' **s_hiver_ i collect myself now with the games out of the way "so how is the organisation, anything changing our plan" i asked while ordering some wine for me and her. "not really however a couple of seats have opened up" she replies while handing me her glass. " oh what which ones, i need at least two places for the princess and the curly guard to join and keep her out of trouble if you can believe it." a slow blink was all the reaction i got and for the life of me she could of just bin savouring the wine, truly this woman is a skilled opponent. then again i think that book is classed a s cheating even if she did twitch i wouldn't see it ."how fortunate the places are for a miss Wednesday and a Mr.8, low enough that they will be away from the dangerous missions and sent on long term missions instead" nodding while enjoying my own glass "however they won't be teamed together" i sighed out thinking' it's not really a problem and it would be a bit suspicious if a brand new pair made it to the top so fast' finishing my wine i offered a refill to robin one accepted with a smile and said "one of use is going to have to watch her, it is my contract so i will do it most of the time but i think we won't get much free time soon." nodding we drift into comfortable silence... "would you like to get some dinner together" till i broke it. she stops drinking while reading and looks at me from over her new "yes, i believe i would" she answered while standing up and putting the books into her rucksack bag. i join her side i look down at her "anything you would like to try, little hana" she just keeps walking a little sway in her hips but that could be those boots. "surprise me, Naruto"


	4. Chapter 4

chapter 4

'thoughts'  
>"speech"<br>_actions_  
>time line<br>straw hat luffy and crew has just entered the grand line

ages: robin,28 naruto,23 zoro,19 sanji,19 nami,18 luffy,17 usopp,17 vivi,16

naruto pov

'i wonder if robin would believe me if i told her i was in a house inside of a whale staring at that rookie pirate crew with one of those 'D' she wants to know about as their captain, although he doesn't seem to be with them at the moment. _sigh__! _where the hell did vivi and that flipping idiot go, oh well I'm in the stomach so as long as she isn't in here she should be fine'

a few moments ago

this crocus guy is chilled as always i swear he didn't even look when i came in.

"yo, crocus laboon holding up alright ,i brought today's paper and restocked your medicine as per our agreement." i say sitting at the table giving him the paper.

"not bad all things considered, i need stronger sedative though he is still growing after all, that troublesome pair going to try something soon." he replied not really caring.

"why yes, but they are nothing someone from the king of the pirates crew can't handle, right"

* * *

><p>me and crocus came to an agreement rather quickly after i explained everything to him his impression is strong, lazy, noble and mischievous all things i can get behind besides what marine is going to listen to a lighthouse keeper. the agreement is simple he lets vivi and the flipping idiot try to 'kill' laboon and i or him stop them, they get sent back here to finish the mission, she gets kept out of the way and he gets supplies fair trade. i also get to hear a story every now and then i could take his memories but apart from the medical knowledge i already have and the knowledge of the grand line is something you just don't want to spoil.' i am going to see the world first hand anyway why settle for a second hand point of view. '<p>

* * *

><p>"last time they came here i had to repaint the walls not exactly easy work for someone my age" he gave me a stink eye, i didn't react i was used to it i even learned to do it for jokes. "i forgot my brushes "he finished and goes straight back to reading, yes me and him get along well.<p>

" i still think you should add a distant island and just watch people sail into the walls but that's just me, oh and it seems we have visitors so be nice, if i remember right they belong to one Monkey 'D' Luffy who knows he might be his legacy." i reply while looking out the window.

"oh, i might get a couple of laughs in before the pair come and try anything." he waits for something to attack them, from what he told me about what laboon eats, something will defiantly attack them.

normal pov

the straw hat crew have just finished confirming this is a dream or they are all dead already, then a giant pink squid comes out of the water zoro is the first to react holding a sword slightly out of its sheath with his thumb, his other hand hovering over it. zoro is a tan, tall, green haired young man with beady black eyes he is muscular and holds three swords on his right side held there by a green haramaki with three gold earrings on his left. he is wearing a white shirt with the first three buttons undone with a black bandana on his left arm, dark green to black trousers and black boots finish the look.

the next was sanji tensing and lowering his legs with his hands in his pockets ready for a kick. sanji is a slim, long legged young man with straight blond hair covering the left side of his face yet leaving the right side free showing the same eye colour as zoro's, 'holy crap is his eyebrow a swirl, how in the hell did he manage that and why doesn't he trim it, i wonder if the other one is a triangle and that's why he hides it' naruto thinks amazed. he is wearing a black suit with a blue striped undershirt with a black tie, with black rounded shoes. 'dudes jacking my style' naruto noticed idly.

before anything else could happen the door shot open and three harpoons was launched out of the house piercing straight through the body of the squid, it wobbled to and fro before toppling backwards. the crew tense as a shadow appear in the door way as a man comes out wearing a flower headdress and a pink shirt with white shorts, 'flower, no bunny' the crew thought with a sweat drop as he is indeed wearing white bunny ears naruto stuck on him before he left the house.

"no its a person, did he save us or was he fishing" sanji said shocked that a old man strong enough to do that wore bunny ears 'this truly is the vastest sea' he concluded.

crocus slowly started walking to his left will keeping his stink eye locked with sanji's as he was the one to talk, it helped that he was a bit pissed that naruto stuck damn bunny ears on him, the tension building until sanji was about to snap. when suddenly crocus sat down on a lawn chair and continued to read the paper naruto got him acting like they weren't even there, more pissed that the tension was for nothing and almost losing a stare down with an old man wearing bunny ears.

sanji yells "say something you bunny bastard" the result crocus turning calmly only to get threatened by is tan, skinny and quite tall for his age with round eyes,thick lips and a long nose, black curly hair covered by a olive green plaid bandana wearing brown overalls with a white sash belt and a blue and white stripped arm band on his left along with a yellow satchel.

"you bastard, you want to fight we have a cannon, i will shoot ." he shouted courageously, from as close to being inside as he could get without opening the door.

"i wouldn't, if you do... someone's going to die" crocus intoned like it was a fact of life, his stink eye now on all of them. Tensions building faster and to new heights at the clear threat.

"eh, and who's that" sanji said an unsure smile and sweat starting to build on his forehead.

"me" crocus finished like it was obvious and went back to reading, naruto barely holding in the laughter as he watches a master enjoying the reactions he gets from the straw hats.

naruto pov

after watching crocus finally finish his running gag and telling them that the shaking is from laboon ramming the red line, he dives into the stomach acid to help easy his pain with the sedatives i brought, i decided to make myself known by coming out of the house .

"oi , if you want to get out of here you might want a guide, i was about to leave anyway so let me tie my ship to yours and we can be on our merry little way." they jumped at my voice as i came from behind the house on my own little raft 'no real need for a big boat when you are a good stow away' i thought to myself smiling.

They look confused, crocus said this is a one man resort then who was this guy, nami is the one to ask knowing someone with 'sticky fingers' when she sees one.

"who are you" she asks, nami is a mid to late teen age girl of normal height with short orange hair with big round light brown eyes and a heart shaped face. she is wearing a sleeveless blue plaid vest with no buttons and a dark blue pencil skirt with two rings on the side, she also has a tattoo of a tangerine crossed with a pinwheel over slight scaring.

i give her the stink eye not caring that the joke has run its course, it seems to be working cause i might actually be a threat this time and reply straight faced

" i am ... a real estate agent".the result was good, i think they are a bit worn out from crocus but i will take a face fault as a win. i was on the boat by the time they recovered.

"so, thank you for having me aboard and it seems crocus has finally came out of that acid and should be calming laboon down soon" i said while thinking if i should erase myself or not, 'first i should get their impressions, besides they seem like fun and i can always do it later'. they turn to see a strange sight, a orange haired man with a crown and a women with a high blue ponytail flying through the air both holding bazookas and a teenager holding his straw hat to his head."there you guys are, that's good. by the way ,save me!"said luffy,but alas he was too late with the warning and they made a magnificent cannonball together.

'so that's Monkey 'D' Luffy he seems as childish as his wanted poster makes him seem' i smirk. 'why would he need help, i wonder if he is a devil fruit user' the moving moss goes to save the man and luffy , while captain swirl goes after Vivi 'did his eye just turn into a heart and what's with that smile its creepy, is he a horn dog or does he just fall in love easily'. all the while crocus just continued on his way 'just ignore random things' i guess.

normal pov

The strangers and luffy were thrown on deck with luffy landing on his ass on the railing just behind where the figure head should be with his back to it facing the crew, with miss Wednesday or vivi and Mr.9 or flipping bastard as naruto calls him landed on their knees in front of him, he doesn't even seem to notice naruto or doesn't care yet.

crocus after returning from treating laboon see's who it is and decides to play his part receiving two cannon balls at once to save his painting 'still the sturdy bastard i see, impressive at your age old man' naruto thinks idly. luffy not liking the way they are laughing at his effort to save something punches their heads together 'i wonder if he would apologise if he knew who she was ... probably not, i don't think he would get it anyway' naruto concludes his own thoughts on the matter. after returning to crocuses island with the two tided up their memories of naruto already blocked when he tied them up, crocus is explaining the story of laboon and what the duo want with him, with naruto planning how to get the impressions he needs.

naruto pov

luffy is trying to climb the tree with only the long nosed guy there to stop him. luffy is around the same height as long nose but with a lighter tan and short black hair that spike at the fringe big oval eyes with black beady eyes with a scar under his left 'seems to be a common trait on this crew i wonder if i am weird having a different eye colour' he wears a sleeveless red buttoned up vest with baggy blue shorts.

i touch his arm to help long nose get him off the tree 'how stupid is this kid that the impressions i got aren't even traits a person has, what the hell would **MEAT** mean in a personality test' _sigh_ 'there is also naive, loyal, promises and straw hat. not bad means he would die for his crew, something i can respect' testing a theory i place the knuckles of my gloves against his skin. with a pitiful wine of "i am hungry, sanji meat" he hits the ground on top of the other guy, seeing the chance i help the nose guy up.

'what a strange guy he is like a living contradiction, the first feeling i get from the impression is cowardly the second is courageous, truly strange.' the other feelings are no confidence if that could be a feeling and a strong desire to help people. 'if i told him what was really happening right now, i think it would kill him from shock and then the ghost would run away then act big from afar to help. What a fun person robin will enjoy scaring the shit out of him, she always did like to scare people.' after getting him of the ground i turn to the others looking for any reason i could use to touch any of them. 'strange they don't seem to have a log pose, i know it's only the start but didn't they stop at logue town to get one, hopefully the navigator isn't someone i touched yet'.

"which one here is the navigator" i ask nervously 'i am just an estate agent after all'

"that would be me." the orange haired girl said nicely. "wait we never did tell you our names did we?i am nami the navigator , that's sanji the cook, zoro the first-mate, usopp the gunner and luffy the captain." she finished pointing with a cute smile.

"oh how rude of me i am Naruto Uzumaki, a real estate agent as i said previously, nice to meet you all."i said reaching for a hand shake, nami gave her hand as i pulled it up to my lips as i lean down a bit i said in a slightly quieter voice "especially you nami-san" i finish with a gentle kiss to her knuckles while keeping eye contact with her, i see the slightest blush before i took a kick to the head for appearances sake 'that was a good kick, nice form, speed over power, if he turns out to be a douche i will take it then kick his ass with it. might do it anyway the look in his swirly eye would be funny.'i think tomyself while taking a look at nami's impression while getting up.

'wow she wants to be free like a lot, did she used to been a slave or something ,sad past, strong family values, treats friends like family, strong morals if a little tweaked but hey robbery is hardly the worst thing to do, more cautious than cowardly and generally strong emotions.' _smile _'i like her and it will be good for vivi to hang around another girl her age for now at least. god knows she doesn't get the chance often.' when i finish getting up, i stare at sanji with a bit of blood coming from my bottom lip.

"my sanji-san , what seems to be the problem?, that was a common greeting to those of the fairer sex as a fellow gentlemen i am sure you can understand that" i finish in a lazy droll with half lidded eyes as i take out a book that I had written but never published under threat of being 'lost in history' from robin in the past, i told her the character was completely random the fact it was named Nico Swallow and looks like her was just a strange accident, yeah just an accident.

"you're the damn problem you bastard, keep your hands off nami-chan" sanji yells at me with his flaming pupils, glaring into me 'how is he doing that, did he eat the eye-eye fruit or something, _snicker_ what a perfect power for a pirate.'

"hmmm, you say something?" i ask in that same lazy tone with sleepy eyes not even looking at him. 'never fails to please. 'i think to myself while smiling internally as his hair starts to rise.

"bastard , making a fool out of me I'll kick yo... is that the new one in the series". 'how the hell did this naruto bastard get that book' sanji thought finally taking a closer look at the book showing the icha icha logo on it but with a different back ground colour to the ones he owns. 'the writer said it would come out in three months is he friends with N.U.N-sama, that must be it'. sanji thought.

'Ah, the power over thousands of perverts at my finger tips, i miss using it.' a smile working its way onto my face. 'what everyone needs a hobby mine just so happens to get me paid.' thinking back to the response i gave to robin when she found out i wrote them. 'ah that reply just pissed robin off more, her face didn't change but the air around her sure as hell did. Good times'.

Turning to sanji i replied "no this is just a limited edition one, the new one in the series is in my pocket, why do you ask" ignoring vivi's glare and nami's twitching eye at seeing the book in my hands. 'hmm it seems sanji can't handle the glares, i don't think he can handle making a women sad or in this case angry, i bet he will fold' i think to myself seeing sweat glide down his face.

"so you have the next book in the series, is it as goo..."he stops feeling the glares move to his back." i mean evil as the prequels" sanji catches himself from saying his true thoughts and grounds out the rest.

seeing some fun to be had i smile sadly"yes it is I'm afraid, so much filth i think i should just destroy it, i already finished it anyway, i was going to offer it as fee for my trip as you could sell it at the next town but, oh well."i finish taking the book out of my pocket and reeling back my arm facing the stomach acid just as i am about to throw it, i feel two hands clamp onto my hand stopping me i turn to see in my own surprise zoro and sanji and it looks like nami took a step forward as well. 'now this is strange, i didn't feel anything about this book in her impression so why does she care if i throw it, i know she likes money but to just sell it'.

'well sanji, it's safe to conclude you are a breast man or you secretly want to be a women from how **BOOBS **somehow became a personality trait, good god is this guy horny he needs to get laid full stop. well let's see what else he is chivalrous, a good trait may cause some problems later though, respects food, always repays his debts, quite loyal and dreams big. altogether not a bad guy just horny.

'holy crap zoro, 'refuse to die' isn't that supposed to be how opponents think about you how can this be a trait, ugh i give up the only normal one is nami and i think she used to be a slave, all these guys are just so weird i mean what's up with his sense of honour it's like he is one of those samurai i heard about. huh he is chivalrous but he will still fight with a women unlike sanji, loyal to those he respects, cares for or owes and takes his life seriously with some battle lust thrown in.'

'these guys don't really seem like pirates more of adventures with a talent for pissing the world off and finding corrupt people and that's without counting finding vivi that will lead to all kinds of shit. they seem loyal enough, i will wait and see how they act to vivi's problem and if they are strong enough to help, if they pass i may have just found a new family for me and robin if i can get her to believe me that is. i can always just beat Crocodiles ass with my gloves if all else fails. well it seems i am going to stick around with them for a while so they get to keep their memories for now.'

turning around still in my throwing stance i stare them both in the eyes "can i have my hand back?, i don't do well in love triangles." they look confused for a second until they notice the other and then where their hands are. watching the horror stricken look at the thought of what i implied appear on their faces and what looked to be sanji's soul leave him for a second. i take the chance to remove my hand the book still in it, and ask with a straight face "oh i thought you wanted me to destroy it, why did you stop me then?"

"for the money" nami said with a warm smile on her face, eyes closed and a dark aura around her "right?."

" yeah, i owe you some right?" zoro replied truthfully just wanting to get out of nami's debt before he got sucked dry by the interest she keeps adding he didn't care where the money came from money is money after all.

"of course nami-swan, i was just going to make sure it is kept safe until we get to the next island then we could sell it at a higher prices, its condition matters after all" sanji says with a charming smile and a bloody nose. no one believes him for a second at all, okay maybe luffy does.

"well then here you are sanji-san i am sure you will take good care of it, won't you?"i smile peacefully while sanji takes it from my hands on one knee the light surrounding us making it look like i am bestowing a holy gift to a mankind.

"now that that is finished, i asked who the navigator was as i couldn't find anyone wearing a log pose, does this mean your group is lacking one nami-san" i said honestly, completely ignoring the giggling in the back ground 'he reminds me of that old guy that kept bothering tsunade.'

"log pose?, what's that and where do we get one?"nami replied brow arched.'well i guess that means i was right they are idiots and the one that isn't is clueless'.

"nami-san a log pose is a wrist watch looking compass that only work on the grand line, if you bring out your own compass you will see it doesn't work anymore." informing her with a helpful and caring smile while bring up my sleeve to show her my red strapped version.

"eh, why isn't it working any more it's like we aren't even on the same planet as before" nami whined looking at the compass in betrayal.

"nami the weather sea currents and even the island themselves here defy logic and the compass no longer works thanks to the magnetic field generated by the island, while the log pose locks onto a frequency of magnetic force that leads to one island, after a while in that magnetic field it will sync to another so on and so forth till you reach the end of the road, Raftel only gol 'D' Rogers crew has ever made it to there." i inform her and offer her my spare wooden one.

with that out the way i ask "is everyone ready to finally leave laboon?".'ah it seems everyone forgot we are inside a whale stomach.' i think seeing everyone's slowly widening eyes.

"crocus if you please" i bow with my hand in the direction of the gate.

_sigh"_ fine but take that pair of annoyances with you" crocus replies pointing to the flipping idiot and vivi.

once we we're outside luffy decided to have a heart to heart/beat down with a whale and then painted a promise on his head in the form of their jolly roger that was drawn badly 'that poor whale getting graffitied like that, hopefully crocus will have a heart and redo it.' luffy found a spare log pose and gave it to me as thanks for the one i gave nami, after that me and usopp helped repair the ship, explaining i am a jack of all trades but a master at none.

i noticed a certain otter and vulture coming with a package in claws these animals are the un-luckies, when i saw them i hid below deck and watched through one of the windows as they blow up part of the sea i was wondering why they did that as i came out from below deck only understand when laboon came up with vive and the idiot, it seems they tried to escape. a little begging and ending the deal with crocus later and we are on our first journey together going to meet curly idiot and super Barbie at whiskey peak.

normal pov

on the deck luffy just finished his Mr. snowman with badly done eyes, cape and barrel hat as is tradition, usopp laughed at the craftsmanship while saying "behold! the art of my soul, my snow queen" showing a dainty women on a snowball like chair one hand holding her own cheek.

"my, what good craftsmanship usopp, but you must understand art is eternal." naruto states sitting on a deck chair with a pair of snow glasses on, all made of hardened snow with him sun bathing with one of those sun reflectors in hand made of ice he is in nothing but a pair of black with red flame designed swimming trunks on.

this showed heavily toned muscular physique with brick pectorals along with the signs of an eights pack, he even possessed muscle tone on the outside of his ribs while still holding the look of a swimmer. his lightly tanned skin marred by numerous scars, his long red hair being freed from its bandana is pulled back and braided into a mid back length rope that huge of the back of his chair.

behind him a beautiful woman with delicate features and long, straight waist length hair tied in two thin pigtails with jaw length bangs framing her face, a rhombus on her forehead. she wore shin length trousers, with high heeled sandals of a similar designs to nami, she is wearing a open haori with a kimono styled blouse that is closed low on her person displaying a huge amount of cleavage, she also possessed a ludicrous sized pair of breasts. her arms folded under her breasts for support she wore a proud and slightly cocky look on her face. she too was made of snow with too much detail to be a made up person.

'here stands tsunade' was transcribed under her with 'she was too stubborn to just lie down and rest 'just below that.

nami was looking at luffy and usopp playing and having a snowball fight with naruto protecting his chair and whoever it was he made, 'what the hell is up with that body and scares is everyone this tough in the grand line and how does he know when they are getting close, he is still wearing those god damn snow glasses'. with a sigh she thinks about more pressing matters. 'it was warm not two seconds ago, you weren't kidding about the weather was you naruto.' shaking her head to clear those thoughts, she goes to get a warm drink in the kitchen.

Vivi or Miss Wednesday laughed at the confused face of Nami when she walked in to the kitchen where she and Mr.9 or flipping idiot were trying to stay warm "now do you understand the error of your foolishness, thinking logically in this sea will only lead you to insanity, just trust the log pose and maybe you won't die from getting lost at sea at least,that reminds me are you sure you should leave the helm alone" she taunts nami while Mr.9 makes some hot drinks for himself and Vivi

"what are you going on about and i only left the helm for like five minutes" nami finishes then looks at the log pose only to see it pointing in the other direction 'what the hell is wrong with this sea, i didn't even feel the ship turn.' nami thinks with wide eyes until she hears a laugh only an evil duchess should have. quickly looking up with an eye twitch to see Vivi laughing at her about to drink what could only be a cup of hot chocolate, her hot chocolate.

"stop laughing and get your asses out there to help steer the ship, you're not guests so start working." nami yells grabbing the hot chocolate while kicking the two out the door.

"nami-swan how long should i continue with my snow shovelling of love" sanji says when he saw nami coming out of the kitchen with a drink. thankfully he hasn't seen what naruto made or he properly wouldn't of even noticed it was just made of snow.

"stop and go to the helm we need to turn around." nami half heartedly answered sanji. not even a minute after getting back on course the weather changed from snow to but zoro and naruto helped out, naruto sleeping in the rain in nothing but swimming trunks while sitting on his snow chair. the chair, glasses, and statue somehow still standing strong, for the next few minutes it stayed like this weather constantly changing between the extremes everyone rushing around to help apart from zoro and naruto.

when zoro woke up he couldn't help but sigh telling the crew off for just lounging around wasting the day away completely ignoring the fact he just had a nap himself, this only pissed the rest of the crew off even if they are too tired to yell out at him. they sigh holding it in to use it later when they have energy, that is until they notice naruto still sleeping on his snow chair, statue guarding him the only change being he is now wearing winter cloths._  
><em>

_twitch_ 'wait, how is he still asleep and how come his snow hasn't melted, wait a minute why is he wearing winter clothes when it is sunny no wait there is something wrong here' then it hit them all at the same time.

"**you bastard you are awake you fucking changed clothes, how did you do that while sleeping?**" yelled the crew that worked through the storm jumping to their feet demanding answers. they watch as the guest they are carrying to the next island jerk in his sleep, then still for a second only to stand up discard his coat and trousers showing his trunks once more , whip out the ice sun reflector from somewhere and start sun bathing again, all with a snort bubble and snoring. the guy's sweat dropping at the pointless skill displayed with nami being too feed up at the annoying feat to care if he wakes up or sleeps forever.

zoro remembering something from before went to confirm his theory the two whale hunter.

"so what are your names again" he says with piercing eyes looking at both of them in turn.

" M..Mr.9" the orange haired man said with a stutter not liking the look in zoro eyes.

"Miss Wednesday vivi replied her voice getting weaker at the end.

" i see, you know I've been thinking about those names since i first heard them, and i can't help shaking the feeling I've heard them before" zoro said facing away from them slightly but still keeping a piecing eye on them" you wouldn't mind telling me why that is, right?"finishing with a blood thirsty grin.

they were about to crack only for the atmosphere to be destroyed as nami came behind from behind zoro, finally recovered enough to hit the jack ass and hit she did with enough force for his head to bounce back up after hitting the deck.

"i hoped you dreamt about something nice while you slept, it would be a shame if you left this world on a bad note" nami said standing over him a battle aura practically oozing out of her.

"huh" was zoro one word reply as he stared back at her angry she wrecked the atmosphere just as they were about to crack.  
>it was over before it even started zoro now nursing a triple stacked bump with nami feeling refreshed to her core 'haaa, it's the little things in life' she thought to herself before becoming serious.<p>

" i now understand the fearsomeness of this ocean but i will not give up, this ocean hasn't even begun to see the power of my navigating skills" with nami vowing not to lose to ocean the others start standing and looking to nami for order about what to do to the ship, only to see her pointing in front of the ship a smirk on her face.

"i told you i could do it, this is it our first island whiskey peak." the others turn to see and just as she said, there it was an island shaped like a giant cactus.


End file.
